Albert

Reichenbach Rehab/ explanation to the nature of my rant

So I'm very sorry for my last rant.  I'm just not used to feelings, all the emotional things I've done in the past, I've done because I wanted to be somewhat normal.  But at the end of the day, I'm still the kid who couldn't cry at her grandmother's funeral.  So actually feeling such a profound connection for longer than a second; to actually be used to the feeling of being wanted to be kept around by a friend and then having the threat of that being taken away.  Its just a different feeling, not one I'm used to.  For the most part, I push things down and try to forget about it because I see feelings a weakness because that's how I taught myself to think.  I taught myself that the people who try to help me are just there because its duty and they don't actually give a fuck if I'm the 7 year old who won't eat and slams herself into the door because she likes the feeling of pain; that my mother is settling for a freak because I saw how she stared at the other little girls in their dresses and pigtails and sighed when I hid under the clothes rack because she tried to dress me like them.

I know nobody reads this blog but its here for me to tell my side of the story that you'll probably never hear.  I've made plenty of enemies and more people think I'm a freak than I can name.  I prefer to be unknown though, I've always preferred solitude because there's no one to let you down or make you go away.

So brooding stuff over.  I should probably be happy because I didn't lose Jackie and we're leaving for the coast tomorrow.  Reichenbach Rehab for her.

Hermit

So I know I have something to say but I'm not quite sure what it is.  All I know is that I hurt... a lot and I have no reason to be.  This kind of thing never happens to me, I stay detached so I stay okay but then SHE had to come waltzing in and make me her friend.  SHE had to make me feel like I was wanted and I let myself believe that this time it was different.  Its never different, they have me around until someone shiny and new comes along and then at first I'm still in the loop but slowly I'm forgotten until we only speak once a month then once every two months until suddenly we just smile at each other in the hallway because we caught each other's eye and theres no way to get out of it.  And then after awhile, we're strangers.  I know how it works and its happened before, but for once I thought it would be different.

Maybe I should just be alone forever.

Thursday, May 22, 1997

Or as I'd like to call it, the day I was born.  I don't like too many of the things about myself but I'm very fond of my birthday.  A bit about it:

- its exactly 6 days after my Grandfathers' birthday
-it's the first day of the gemini zodiac sign (I don't believe in astrology but its interesting)
-its my favorite author, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's birthday.  I was raised by my grandparent's half the time and the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes are my grandmother's favorites so they were my bedtime stories as a child.  I started reading his other works in the last couple of years
-The Beatles get their eighth consecutive #1 on american charts in 1965
-In some monotheistic lore that includes belief of angels, they name Castiel as the angel of Thursday.
- Victor Hugo dies in 1885
-Alfred Day Hershey dies in 1997
-feast day of St Rita


Yeah so its my birthday, I'm fifteen and I don't feel any different, but its still going to be a lovely day.

What I know so far

What I know so far as to figuring out the Reichenbach Fall:

-the audience
-John had to go back to where he was so he'd be right in Sebastian's sight and so would Sherlock
-the speculation about the rubber ball is irrelevant
-pigs blood
-nothing in the show at all is ever just a filler, damn americans cutting things out
-don't overthink

I have sufficient evidence, I just need to make my conclusion.  May be off the internet for a couple days to turn this over in my head some more.  Of course my birthday is Tuesday so..... that's inconvenient....

and I don't even have my magazines.....

An update on the state of Jackie's hair

Its bright red.

DOWEEEDOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOO

Yeah so not grounded anymore.  Everyone I've met in the last week (like 20 people) insist on calling me John and its all Jackie's fault, and......

I....
Am.......
BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!