Albert

Reichenbach Rehab/ explanation to the nature of my rant

So I'm very sorry for my last rant.  I'm just not used to feelings, all the emotional things I've done in the past, I've done because I wanted to be somewhat normal.  But at the end of the day, I'm still the kid who couldn't cry at her grandmother's funeral.  So actually feeling such a profound connection for longer than a second; to actually be used to the feeling of being wanted to be kept around by a friend and then having the threat of that being taken away.  Its just a different feeling, not one I'm used to.  For the most part, I push things down and try to forget about it because I see feelings a weakness because that's how I taught myself to think.  I taught myself that the people who try to help me are just there because its duty and they don't actually give a fuck if I'm the 7 year old who won't eat and slams herself into the door because she likes the feeling of pain; that my mother is settling for a freak because I saw how she stared at the other little girls in their dresses and pigtails and sighed when I hid under the clothes rack because she tried to dress me like them.

I know nobody reads this blog but its here for me to tell my side of the story that you'll probably never hear.  I've made plenty of enemies and more people think I'm a freak than I can name.  I prefer to be unknown though, I've always preferred solitude because there's no one to let you down or make you go away.

So brooding stuff over.  I should probably be happy because I didn't lose Jackie and we're leaving for the coast tomorrow.  Reichenbach Rehab for her.